


Operation: Get Levi Ackerman Laid

by EvangelineSinclair



Series: Office Correspondence [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Assistant Eren Yeager, Boss Levi, Confident Eren Yeager, Flirting, Hanji is the Captain of the Riren Ship, Humor, Lust at First Sight, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 02:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6452203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvangelineSinclair/pseuds/EvangelineSinclair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em><strong>To</strong>: Petra Ral, Erwin Smith, Isabel Magnolia, Farlan Church, Moblit Berner, Mike Zacharias, Armin Arlert</em>
  <br/>
  <em><strong>From</strong>: Hanji Zoe</em>
  <br/>
  <em><strong>Sent</strong>: Monday, April xx, 20xx 0:00 AM</em>
  <br/>
  <em><strong>Subject</strong>: Operation GLAL</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Operation ‘Get-Levi-Ackerman-Laid’ is officially on. Wait till you all see the new assistant I’ve picked for our little workaholic. Our little cleaning fairy won't know what hit him!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hanji Zoe</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.S. May god have mercy on his assistant's ass.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Or, the story where Hanji and co. come up with a plan to get Levi some action, all communicated in email format. Besides, we all <em>KNOW</em> Levi can't resist the Jaeger booty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation: Get Levi Ackerman Laid

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a story I read a long time ago that was in email format! Enjoy, and please read the end notes?
> 
> EDIT 4/4/2016, 3:45 EST: You guys, YOU ARE ALL AMAZING. It's been less than 24 hours since I posted and this story has already received 100 kudos. I'm amazed and honored. Thank you all so much for all your support! Literally still in shock.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:08 AM  
**Subject** : …You Little Shit

Shitty glasses. In my office. Now.

-The guy who’s going to kill you.

P.S. I mean fucking NOW.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Farlan Church  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:24 AM  
**Subject** : Duuuuuude!

Bro, where did you find that fine-as-fuck assistant/secretary? Have you _seen_ the kid’s eyes? Izzy is practically drooling.

No wait, she’s drooling.

Share the wealth bro, cuz DAMN dat ass.

Your BFF/brother from another mother,

Farlan

**To** : Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, Gunther Schultz, Eld Gin, Erwin Smith, Hanji Zoe, Isabel Magnolia, Moblit Berner, Mike Zacharias  
**From** : Farlan Church  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:25 AM  
**Subject** : PSA

Guys, have you seen the fine piece of ass that is now Levi’s assistant? If not, consider this email a PSA to find an excuse to go and _check that out_. Also, everyone needs to spam Levi’s email now.

Let him know I feel slighted.

Farlan

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Petra Ral  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:30 AM  
**Subject** : WELL DONE

HANJI. WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM. OMG HE’S PERFECT. I JUST SAW LEVI OGGLE THE KID IN THE BREAKROOM AS WE WERE GETTING COFFEE.

YOU ARE A FUCKING SAINT.

Petra

**To** : Farlan Church  
**From** : Mobilt Berner  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:42 AM  
**Subject** : Re: PSA

Mr. Church (you know these emails can be screened by HR and then forwarded to Mr. Ackerman right?),

That young man is Eren Jaeger (he’s a very nice guy!), Mr. Ackerman’s new assistant. Hanji personally picked him out. Don’t meddle too much or Hanji will hunt you down and perform illegal experiments on you.

Also I would avoid Levi today; he’s looking extra angry and constipated right now.

Moblit Berner

P.S. Hanji has informed me that if you mess this up for them, they will make sure the experiments hurt more than (and I quote) “a little unlubed gay virgin bitch taking Erwin Smith up the ass for the first time.”

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:55 AM  
**Subject** : Re: …You Little Shit

Now, now, short and furious. Is that any way to greet your best friend?

So you noticed Eren, eh? Isn’t he just adorable? I think I deserve a reward for finding a rare gem like him. You’ve been complaining about being frustrated; I just found you a way to vent your frustration.

You’re welcome.

Mama Hanji

P.S. He’s actually a very hard worker and excellent at what he does. I put lube and condoms in your desk drawer; I need Eren to be able to sit and work afterwards.

**To** : Farlan Church  
**From** : Mike Zacharias  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:55 AM  
**Subject** : Re: PSA

He smells very nice. Good for Levi.

**To** : Farlan Church  
**From** : Oulo Bozado  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:58 AM  
**Subject** : Re: PSA

Tch, focus on your work, Farlan. You have a long way to go in the company, can you afford to be ogling the boss’s new assistant?

**To** : Erwin Smith  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 6:59 AM  
**Subject** : Termination

Shitwin,

Terminate Hanji.

Immediately.

Or I will kill them.

Levi.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 7:00 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: …You Little Shit

What the actual fuck, Hanji?

I don’t even need an assistant. Fire him immediately or I will fire you.

Levi

**To** : Petra Ral  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 7:08 AM  
**Subject** : Re: WELL DONE

Thank you, my dear! Levi is furious, I’d say job well done, but the job isn’t done yet.

Operation: ‘Getting Levi Ackerman Laid’ has officially commenced.

BTW, someone stop Farlan from jumping Eren’s ass. Just because he’s bi doesn’t mean he has a crack at any new, hot assistant I hire.

Hanji

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Erwin Smith  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 7:22 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Termination

Good morning to you as well, Levi.

We both know Hanji is a genius and I refuse to lose talent like that.

I suppose the reason for this sudden bloodlust is the new assistant I saw in front of your office? He’s a very nice man, you know.

Erwin

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 7:26 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: …You Little Shit

I will do no such thing!

Eren Jaeger is precious little darling, and _so_ good at what he does. I’ll bet he’s already finished the report _and_ cleaned the lobby in front of your office at this point.

Thank me later.

Seriously, use protection.

Hanji

**To** : Farlan Church  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 7:45 AM  
**Subject** : Re: PSA

Farlan,

Why did you include me in this stupid group email? Fuck you.

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Farlan Church  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 7:46 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: PSA

Izzy, you know how fun it is to mess with Levi. The more we can pester his workaholic ass, the better. He seriously needs to get laid.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 8:28 AM  
**Subject** : Report  
**Attachment** : _Report_March.docx_

Mr. Ackerman,

I have attached the final copy of the logistics report your last intern left incomplete. Please let me know if there are any mistakes.

And if I may say, might you be coming down with something? You’ve been alternating between pale and flushed for the past few hours. Would you like some tea or Advil?

Eren Jaeger

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 8:35 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Report

Eren,

The report is impeccable.

I’m fine; just stressed with dealing with shitheads.

Levi.

P.S. Don’t call me Mr. Ackerman. Only Shitwin and Moblit say that. ‘Levi’ is fine.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Erwin Smith  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 8:40 AM  
**Subject** : Levi’s New Assistant

Hanji,

I take it this is your doing?

Be careful, he’s out for your blood and I can only protect you so much.

Erwin

P.S. I have to admit that even I’m impressed. How did you convince someone like _that_ to go along with your plan?

**To** : Erwin Smith  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 8:42 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Levi’s New Assistant

Eyebrows,

Of course! Nothing but the best for our little workaholic with the resting bitch face.

And he’s Armin’s friend! It's not like he hasn't seen our little leprechaun before given our company's position, so it wasn't hard.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 9:08 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Report

Yes sir.

If I may be so bold, if you’re stressed, would you like me to cancel your meetings for tomorrow so you can get some more sleep? You seem a little tired and have been furiously hitting your keyboard all morning. I could make you some tea?

If it’s a computer problem, I can call IT.

Just let me know, I am yours to command.

Eren Jaeger

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 9:18 AM  
**Subject** : URGENT

Izzy,

I’m going to hell. This new assistant is killing me slowly. He just told me ‘I am yours to command.’

Fuck.

Do you still have that weird-ass blade from your cosplay years? The one that looks like a giant X-Acto box cutter? Because I need to use it to kill shitty glasses and perform seppuku.

Levi.

P.S. Oh my god, he’s eating a banana and popping grapes into his mouth. That is the biggest banana I’ve ever seen.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 9:48 AM  
**Subject** : You are Evil…

…And I love it.

Levi is freaking out. Apparently Eren is eating a banana and grapes and big bro is having a mini orgasm in his office from the sounds of it.

Well fucking done, Hanji.

At the rate this is going, we won’t even have to do anything. Should we start a betting pool on how long it’ll take big bro to jump that ass?

Izzy

**To** : Farlan Church  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 9:55 AM  
**Subject** : Re: PSA

So it goes without saying: Hands off Eren. I hand-picked him for Levi.

To make it up to you, Izzy has suggested starting a betting pool for how long it’ll take for Levi to get into Eren’s pants, if you’d like to set that up.

Hanji

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:01 AM  
**Subject** : Re: URGENT

Why are you going to hell?

And it’s the twin blades from Attack on Titan, you uncultured fool. You may not dirty my precious blades with blood.

Also, Eren is perfectly nice, I don’t know why you’re complaining. He introduced himself to me this morning and he was just so _genuine_. Also, prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. Have you seen them? They’re like honey gold.

Izzy

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:03 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Report

Eren,

No, none of that is necessary.

Thank you for your concern.

Levi

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:03 AM  
**Subject** : Re: You Are Evil…

I’ve contacted Farlan, I’m sure he’ll take care of the betting.

And really? What did Levi say?

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:25 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: URGENT

Why am I going to hell?

Because my new assistant has the body of a god, and I’ve spent the last five minutes watching him pop grapes into his perfectly fuckable mouth and slowly eat a banana. All I could do the entire time was imagine his mouth wrapped around something of mine instead of the banana. By the way, the party downstairs is permanent at this point. He’s also efficient and has already finished the logistics report before noon, and has cleaned the lobby impeccably.

Also, I’m sure if you’ve been gawking at him, you’ve had a good look at that ass? Where did he even FIND slacks that fit his backside like that?

See? Going to hell.

God help me.

Levi

P.S. What am I living in, a fucking drama? He just bent over to pick up some fallen papers, giving me a picture perfect view of his ass and all I want to do now is bend him over my desk and ram him till he can’t stand.

P.P.S. Thank god we don’t have any meetings today; I _cannot_ get up from my desk anytime soon.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:28 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: URGENT

Big bro, I may have grown up with you but too much information.

If you’re that wound up, _do_ something about it. You're Levi fucking Ackerman. People are just lining up to fuck/get fucked by you.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Farlan Church  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:30 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: PSA

You’re know me well, glasses.

No worries, I look one look at Levi’s face this morning and knew Eren was off limits. He’s just so fun to tease.

I’ll set up a spreadsheet and email it to the group. 

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Armin Arlert  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:30 AM  
**Subject** : What’s the news?

So how is your first day at work?

Is Levi everything you were expecting? Tell me everything, Eren.

Armin

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:31 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: You Are Evil…

He just admitted he’s going to hell. He told me that Eren has _a fuckable mouth_ , and is currently fantasizing about banging him against the desk.

I need this to happen.

Like now.

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:34 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: You Are Evil…

No kidding. Short stack is so tightly wound you could spin him like a top.

I’ll check in with Armin and see how Eren is holding up on his end as well.

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:35 AM  
**Subject** : Re: What’s the news?

You and Hanji weren’t kidding; the man is fucking gorgeous. He has the most intense stare I’ve ever seen.

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity ;)

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Armin Arlert  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:37 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: What’s the news?

You’re wearing those black slacks right? And that black shirt with the maroon tie?

DID YOU EAT THE BANANA? You should bring him documents to sign and walk up behind him so you can lean in over him. If you don’t have any papers I can fax some up to you or have Hanji do it.

Also, drop a pen or something. The bend-and-snap from legally blonde is a must.

**To** : Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, Gunther Schultz, Eld Gin, Erwin Smith, Hanji Zoe, Isabel Magnolia, Moblit Berner, Mike Zacharias  
**From** : Farlan Church  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:37 AM  
**Subject** : Put your bets in!  
**Attachment** : _Betting pool.xlsx_

Here’s the betting pool for when Mr. Levi Ackerman will finally get laid! Place your bets or forever hold your peace.

Dibs on the lunch hour!

Farlan

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:45 AM  
**Subject** : Operation GLAL

Yo Armin,

How is Operation: ‘Getting Levi Ackerman Laid’ on your end going? How’s Eren faring? Tell him that the resting bitch face Levi has is permanent and for him not to be intimidated.

Hanji

**To** : Hanji Zoe, Erwin  
**From** : Darius Zackly  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:47 AM  
**Subject** : Check in

How is work coming? Everyone seems distracted today.

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:48 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: What’s the news?

Of course I wore them. And god, I will NOT bend and snap, not even for Levi fucking Ackerman.

The papers thing is an excellent idea. I’ll email Hanji.

Concentrate on your work, loser. Don't be slacking off back there just because I'm working here right now.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Armin Arlert  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:52 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Operation GLAL

Eren is 100% in. He’s already eaten a banana slowly, picked up papers from the ground in front of Levi, and is planning on having Levi sign some papers. Don’t worry, if there’s anyone in the world who is stubborn enough to seduce Levi Ackerman, it’s Eren fucking Jaeger.

I’ve trained him well.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:53 AM  
**Subject** : Documents from Nile Dok

Hanji,

Do you have those complicated contract papers that Nile Dok wants Mr. Ackerman to sign? I would like to get those processed as soon as possible.

Thank you,

Eren Jaeger

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Petra Ral  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 10:56 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: WELL DONE

Hanji,

Please tell me you have news. If I have to hear Oulo make one more comment about Levi not being interested in brats and then biting his tongue, I’ll chop his fucking tongue off.

Also, just talked to Eren in the break room earlier. Could he be more of a gentleman?

**To** : Darius Zackly  
**From** : Erwin Smith  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:00 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Check in

No worries, sir. The team is working hard on the merger. I can guarantee results by the end of the day.

Erwin Smith

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:00 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Documents from Nile Dok  
**Attachment** : _complicatedasfuckcontract.pdf_

Here you go, Eren!

No need to be formal! I have a feeling the two of us are going to be the best of friends!

Good luck with Levi ;)

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:02 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Documents from Nile Dok

Thanks, Hanji!

I don’t think I’ll need luck if him squirming in his chair is any indication of what he’s going through right now. XD

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:03 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Documents from Nile Dok

Oh? I knew I liked you.

Just FYI Levi’s office is soundproof.

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:03 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Operation GLAL

Armin,

You’ve raised a monster. He’s perfect.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:04 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Documents from Nile Dok

Noted.

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:11 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Re: URGENT

IZZY.

I must’ve done something horrible in my past life.

The brat just walked in with the longest fucking report from Nile for me to sign and he fucking came up behind me to bend over and hand me a pen. Fuck, he was talking right in my ear. Scratch that, I think he was _whispering_ in my ear. No one should be able to sound that sexy.

And where did he even find that shirt? It’s like a second skin. I literally will be chair bound for a fucking week if this keeps us. He has to be doing this on purpose.

Also, I think his tie is getting loose, because I had a perfect view of his neck as he was placing the documents in front of me. Fuck me. This is getting really out of hand. Don't even get me started about his eyes and tanned skin. How can anyone look that fucking gorgeous _and_ be able to type up reports that quickly?

He’s going to break me.

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:11 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Re: What’s the news?

Armin,

The man has a will of steel. While there was definite flushing and a jump, I’m impressed he didn’t shove me against his desk when I whispered in his ear.

Time to pull out all the stops.

Eren.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:15 AM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: URGENT

I don’t know if I can take this anymore.

Just jump him, Big Bro.

**To** : Hanji Zoe  
**From** : Armin Arlert  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:20 AM  
**Subject** : Prepare yourself

Heads up, Hanji.

Eren’s going in for the kill.

**To** : STAFF (blocked: Levi Ackerman) (blocked: HQ management) (blocked: Eren Jaeger)  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 11:32 AM  
**Subject** : Avoid Levi’s office

I am hereby announcing that Levi Ackerman’s office is out of bounds for the next few hours, effective immediately. Should any of you break this rule, I will personally hunt you down and slowly skin you with a rusted potato peeler.

Sincerely,

Hanji Zoe

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Hanji Zoe  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 1:58 PM  
**Subject** : OH MY GOD

IT’S BEEN OVER TWO HOURS.

ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Petra Ral  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:03 PM  
**Subject** : Wow

Just saw Eren.

You must be a monster in the sheets.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Farlan Church  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:05 PM  
**Subject** : Finally

GOOD GOING, BRO. JUST SAW EREN LIMPING OUT OF THE BREAKROOM.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:08 PM  
**Subject** : Holy Shit

BIG BRO

ARE YOU LIMPING?

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Erwin Smith  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:09 PM  
**Subject** : (No Subject)

I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be limping through the hallways. Did you have a good lunch?

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:09 PM  
**Subject** : Holy. Fucking. Shit

The deed has been done.

Several times.

Thank god his office is soundproof.

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Armin Arlert  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:10 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Holy. Fucking. Shit

About time. How was it?

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:12 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Holy. Fucking. Shit

The man is a sex god.

Good bottom but better top. Not going to be able to walk without a limp for at least a few days. He’s also not afraid to be adventurous. Perfect score. Unfortunately my maroon tie cannot be salvaged. Worth it.

I plan to make this a permanent part of my life right now.

**To** : Hanji Zoe, Erwin Smith, Petra Ral, Isabel Magnolia, Farlan Church  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:14 PM  
**Subject** : Fuck off

All of you shitheads,

My sex life is none of your business. Get back to work.

**To** : Erwin Smith  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:14 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Termination

Oi, Eyebrows,

Give shitty glasses a raise.

DISCRETELY.

**To** : Darius Zackly  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:14 PM  
**Subject** : Merger

Mr. Zackly,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to thoroughly experience your company and its inner workings today. I feel confident that Survey Corporations will be a valuable partner to Jaeger Enterprises. I will put in a good word to my father, Chairman of the board, and I hope we will be able to work closely in the near future.

Sincerely,

Eren Jaeger  
COO Jaeger Enterprises

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Armin Arlert  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:16 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Holy. Fucking. Shit

Good to hear. From the looks of it you did a number on him too. Were you guys seriously in his office for two hours?

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Isabel Magnolia  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:17 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Fuck off

Big bro,

Given what you’ve been saying to me all morning it is definitely my business. I take back the too much information statement. Were you two seriously going at it for two hours?! Tell me everything.

**To** : Isabel Magnolia  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:18 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Fuck off

Fine.

Yes we were.

Not much to say. The kid is a fucking sex god.

Best sex of my life. I think I'm still high.

Happy?

**To** : Armin Arlert  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:20 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Holy. Fucking. Shit

Yes, we were. Like I said, the man is adventurous.

Best ‘first day’ at a job ever.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Darius Zackly  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:28 PM  
**Subject** : Congratulations

Mr. Ackerman,

Excellent work on the merger with Jaeger Enterprises. Their COO just contacted me, saying he was very impressed with your work and will be interested in future endeavors with us.

You have earned yourself a hefty bonus.

Darius Zackly, CEO Survey Corporations

**To** : Eren Jaeger  
**From** : Levi Ackerman  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:35 PM  
**Subject** : Dinner

You shit, you never told me you were the COO of Jaeger Enterprises.

But now that we have gotten well acquainted, we should get dinner tonight. It’s on me since technically I have you to thank for my giant bonus.

**To** : Levi Ackerman  
**From** : Eren Jaeger  
**Sent** : Monday, April xx, 20xx 2:36 PM  
**Subject** : Re: Dinner

I can be discrete when I want to be. However, I look forward to working with you closely, sir.

See you at 6.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! That was such a pain in the ass to format. Hope you enjoyed it; I had fun writing it. 
> 
> Depending on the response, I might do additional one-shot chapters or make this a series!
> 
> Started the Actor!AU, for those of you who responded to Before He Cheats, in the works of being edited!
> 
>   **EDIT: So after some consideration, I think I'd like to write more stories like this, so I'm gonna make it a part of a collection/series when I figure out how to do it. This is mostly to let people who have subscribed to this story know that THIS story will not be updated; the new stories are going to be separate, possibly with completely different characters and stuff**


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